Your friend has been diagnosed with cancer. You've sent a card to express how much you care and that you're there if they need help. Now what?
Feeling out of your league is normal. But chances are you already have the tools to be a supportive and valued friend. Even small gestures can help your friend feel supported, loved and taken care of.
So take a breath, and dive in.
Find your role. You're in a new phase of your friendship. Play to your strengths to find how you can best help. Are you a good listener? Check to see if your friend is open to visits. Maybe a weekly or monthly date to drink tea and catch up. Are you an organizational wizard? Offer your services as a meal and ride scheduler.
Having a regular role to play could be a huge help to your friend and the caregivers in their life. And it can bring you closer together.
Embrace the new normal. Don't assume your friend is down for the count socially. They'll need friend time to get through. So start a conversation and reach out periodically. What time of day are they least tired? What activities are especially draining?
Maybe they won't be up for your usual movie night. But a walk in the middle of the day could be perfect. Include your friend in your plans and let them tell you if the commitment is too much. You'll find what works.
Talk a little less. After a diagnosis, there's a good chance your friend is fielding questions, listening to other people's cancer stories, getting unsolicited advice and hearing "it's going to be all right" on a regular basis.
Often what's needed is the space to open up. Being there to really listen says "I care about you. I respect you. I'm here for you and I'm not going away."
Take care of yourself. Specifically, your reaction to your friend's cancer. Ask a friend outside the situation to talk it through with you.
Sorting through your own feelings, fears and insecurities about the diagnosis is crucial. It'll mean that when you're with your friend who has cancer you can be more present to their feelings and needs. And caring for yourself can give you the energy to be there for your friend in the long run.
Remember, there's no one right way to be there, and no one does it perfectly. So be gentle with yourself and open to change.