Tips for long-distance caregivers

If you live an hour or more away from a parent or loved one who needs care, you might wonder what you can do to help. Living at a distance means it's not possible to drop by with groceries or offer rides to appointments.

But you don't have to live nearby to have a meaningful impact on your loved one's well-being. Here's how to collaborate with others to be a long-distance caregiver.

Getting started

Long-distance caregiving requires teamwork with those who live near your loved one. You need to communicate regularly and be clear about each person's role. Meet in person or virtually with your loved one and the people involved in the care plan to answer these questions:

• How is your loved one's current health?
• What are the current care needs, and how are they likely to change?
• What kind of help does your loved one want?
• What kind of help does the primary caregiver want?
• What community resources or professional services are currently being used?

What you can do from a distance

You can do many tasks from a distance to support your loved one, the primary caregiver and professionals. Here's what Mayo Clinic experts recommend.

• Educate yourself. Do your own research about any illness your loved one may have. Get familiar with symptoms, treatment options and typical care needs.
• Provide emotional support. Make yourself available to the primary caregiver to listen to concerns and frustrations. Ask what you can do to be supportive.
• Get important documents in order. Find out how to access legal documents like power of attorney for health care and advance directive for medical care. You'll also need to find out which caregivers have permission to talk with providers and access medical records.
• Research useful services. Make phone calls to learn about care services for your loved one, like an in-home aide if needed. Find respite services that offer breaks for primary caregivers. Contact the local Area Agency on Aging for help finding local resources.
• Oversee insurance and pay bills. Manage the calls or mail for medical bills and insurance claims. Have monthly bills forwarded to you or manage them online.
• Keep a written daily care plan. This outlines the daily schedule and includes all duties related to caring for your loved one. You can use this to inform in-home or substitute caregivers. Make sure to include a list of medicines, dosages, allergies and contact information for the providers who prescribed them.
• Organize regular meetings. Plan calls with the other care providers to discuss changes in your loved one's needs. Set up family calls with the health care provider, social worker or other professionals.
• Stay in touch. Write, call or send video messages as much as possible with your loved one.

How to make the most of visits

Visit as often as you can to spend time with your loved one and to give the primary caregiver a break. If necessary, ask your job about taking unpaid leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act.

While you're visiting your loved one, make these plans:

• Set aside quality time. Spend relaxing time with your loved one doing things not related to caregiving. Make time to play games, listen to music, go for walks, watch movies or visit friends.
• Check in with the primary caregiver. Ask what you can do to help during the visit. Encourage the caregiver to take time for self-care while you're there.
• Observe. Note how your family member is doing with daily tasks like grooming, eating and communicating.
• Go to appointments. Ask if you can attend health appointments during the visit to stay informed about health and treatment plans. Meet with lawyers or financial advisers when appropriate.
• Check in with others. Talk to the primary caregiver, friends or neighbors about their impressions of how your loved one is doing.
• Avoid distractions. As much as possible, use your visits to focus on the needs of the family member and primary caregiver.

Dealing with guilt

Many long-distance caregivers feel guilty about not being able to do enough or spend adequate time with a family member in need of care. If you feel guilty, remind yourself that you're doing the best you can.

It might be helpful to join a support group for caregivers. You may benefit from the tips of others as well as the knowledge that you're not alone.