Parents Promote Pals

Children may need coaching from mom and dad on how to make -- and keep -- friends.

For many kids, friendships just happen. The fun, the giggles and the give-and-take of play percolate without much effort.

For others, making and keeping friends is a struggle. And a child without friends is at increased risk for a host of problems, such as truancy, expulsion from school and delinquency. A new Mayo Clinic study shows that there's a way to help a struggling child learn to be a friend. A parent who takes on the role of friendship coach can teach a child this important lesson.

Many research studies have focused on how children learn social skills. They've found that children usually learn skills well in a structured group environment, but back at school, at home or at the park, friends are still elusive.

"This study suggests that when parents are closely involved, the children are able to use their new social skills outside the clinic, such as at home and school," says Leslie Sim, Ph.D., a Mayo Clinic psychologist who led the study.

The children benefit because the parents explicitly teach and reinforce friendship rules such as: ask questions, give compliments, don't brag, don't be bossy and take turns.

Mayo Clinic researchers worked with 71 children, ages 8 to 14, who had difficulty making friends, and with their parents. Over 12 weeks, the children met weekly to learn and practice social skills. The parents met for eight sessions to learn how to help their children. The child and parent worked together on homework that included making calls to friends and having them over to play.

At the end of the study, parents reported significant improvement in their children's ability to make and keep friends.

"Kids would like to be better friends," says Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D., a Mayo Clinic psychologist who worked with the parent group. "Some just need concrete advice and practical tips from mom or dad to help them learn." And, kids need time to learn friendship skills. Dr. Whiteside encourages families to find time to foster friendships. Have your child invite a friend to play once or twice a week. Then keep an open ear just in case some friendship coaching is needed.